[00:00] Sav: Do you need a storage unit to live in a tiny home?
Audrey: Absolutely not!
Sav: How long have you been living in your tiny home?
Audrey: For about a month and a half.
Sav: Are you loving it?
Audrey: It’s a lot. There’s a lot less that you have to keep track of.
Sav: What do you mean by that?
Audrey: Like there’s less stuff, so you really don’t have to remember what you have because you have so little. And everything has a place it goes so because there’s so little storage that it’s just like okay well that’s there, unlike…there’s just so much less to keep track of
[00:42] Intro Music
[00:46] Intro: Hey! This is Sav your host
Audrey: And Audrey Lambidakis.
Sav: Today, we’re talking about tiny house or tiny home living. We have two parts. Part 1: Sheets, Towels and no Linen Closet, and Part 2: Maintaining a Decluttered Space. Something that I glean you’ve become quite the expert at. So before you moved into your tiny home, I know that you had to downsize drastically. Walk us through that. What was your one, like number one tried and true track?
Audrey: Detachment. I had to detach all emotional value to things and just really keep what I actually needed. There were a lot of tears.
Sav: So what are like the things that you could not part with but you almost did?
Audrey: Uhmm. Oh that’s uh
Sav: Is there like anything that you went back and forth with or you said “No I’m not gonna waste my time with back and forth, I’m making my decision”
Audrey: I mean I really. So I was dealing with a mold issue. So for some things they really just couldn’t be saved, I just had to get rid of them.
Sac: Give me two things that couldn't be saved that you were devastated by.
Audrey: Uhm like
Sav: Like printed photos?
Audrey: Printed photos, well some printed photos
Sav: I say that because Audrey is a photographer.
Audrey: Printed photos yes, but you know it really take, you have to like do a whole, just the steps involved in saving them sometimes it’s like not worth it at that point. A lot of like [02:27 *inaudible] knicky-knacks but like things
Sav: [02:30 inaudible] keys is a common term. Is that what you’re referring to?
Audrey: Yeah or like things that you have, you have an idea that you want to use them but you never really use them. And so it's just like okay I just gonna get rid of them. And you like it, you’re attached to them because you like them but you don’t have a use and so it’s just...yard sale.
[02:53 crosstalk] Sav: Facing reality. Okay So you did a yard sale, did you do multiple days?
Audrey: I did multiple days, multiple places too.
Sav: How many days?
Audrey: I did two, two yard sales, two different months. It was quite fruitful. I had some good stuff, people liked it.
Sav: Nice, nice! And then I also know that you listed a bunch of stuff online on Facebook marketplace.
Audrey: Oh yeah.
Sav: Did you feel like that was a success there too?
Audrey: Absolutely, I would, I mean I wish I would have been a little bit more aggressive with posting stuff on Facebook marketplace, because I think I could’ve made a bit more money if I had been on it a little bit more.
Sav: Word to the wise, if you are in the bay area, Facebook marketplace is where it’s at if you want to move something. Yeah, I have like ten client postings right now. So recently you shared with me that you didn’t want me to see your closet because it’s a multipurpose space and then you changed your mind and said actually it probably would be helpful. So tell me about your closet. Is there one, are there two closets, like what are we talking here?
Audrey: So I moved into an ETC Toy Hauler so it’s not exactly a regular type of trailer. It’s meant for weekend trips so it doesn’t really have what you would expect a closet or like regular living space to have. But it’s, you know, there is a tiny closet that I can hang stuff in. And then, It’s very small so I just have my hanging stuff in there. And then I have these metal shelves that have my instapot, my blender, and then all my other clothes.
Sav: So that’s out?
Audrey: It’s out but it’s closed. Because they’re like, I don’t know, what are they called? A door?
Sav: A cabinet.
Audrey: So they’re little cabinets. And that’s what’s in there.
Sav: Is that a built-in or you added a piece of furniture?
Audrey: They’re built in.
Sav: Ok that’s great. Ok so that’s you know I think what most people do is to use their linen closet as a catch all. So I’m just gonna say you don’t have a linen closet and that’s okay.
Audrey: No. My linens’ are on my bed.
Sav: Oh well, funny cause that’s our topic. Linen.
[5:28] Part 1: Sheets, Towels and no Linen Close
Sav: Let’s talk numbers. Your space is finite. So I want to know, do you limit the number of items coming in.
Sav: How do you do that?
Audrey: I don’t buy stuff.
Sav: You don’t buy stuff.
Adrey: I literally only buy when I absolutely need something.
Sav: How many sets of sheets do you have?
Sav: One. Okay. My rule. I’d say it’s better to have two. Because otherwise you’re making an impossible scenario. So now you have to wash dry, take it to the laundromat maybe, whatever it means to get them back on your bed on the same day. That’s a lot. That’s a lot to do.
Audrey: And you can’t say how many times I’ve done that.
Sav: So folks general rule, two sets of sheets per bed size. So in my house, we have a king and a queen bed, so we have two sets of queen sheets and two sets of king sheets, anything more is extra and is not necessary. But Audrey you know, you’re just, you’re winning. One set, that’s the minimalist lifestyle. I think that’s too minimalist for me.
Audrey: Guess how many blankets I have.
Sav: That’s my next question. Do you have one?
Audrey: So I mean I’m living in a, it’s an aluminum box basically.
Sav: Oh and you said it has horrible insulation.
Audrey: Oh yeah, no, it’s freezing.
Sav: So you have a bunch of blankets.
Audrey: No, no.
Sav: Okay, how many blankets do you have Audrey?
Audrey: I’ve got two blankets then a weighted blanket to keep in the heat.
Sav: Nice! So the first story, first off you understand the premise of my show, sometimes I’ll pull in Reddit stories, sometimes I’ll pull in like people’s questions that they ask me, or client questions. But this one’s from Reddit and the premise is that people are wondering’ if they’re the a*hole or not. So I have, I love yah, so for you.
Sav: This is a throwaway account. I know. Guys her facial expression right now.
Audrey: Oh I have stories over this.
Sav: I think we all do right?
I, (M26) have been dating my girlfriend (F24) for about a year now, and we recently moved in together. She didn't have a lot of furniture and such, so it's mostly mine in our apartment including my bed (frame, mattress, sheets). I am a bit of a neat freak, and she generally is too.
Now I'm not one of those guys that gets grossed out over a woman having her menstrual cycle. We just use a towel. I will say though, it totally grosses me out getting on my bed though.
Well a few days ago when we woke up I noticed a blood spot on the bed and got totally grossed out. I knew she had been on her period for 3 days already so it wasn't any sort of surprise. I asked how it happened and she was upset and said she thought she didn't need anything to sleep that night. I told her that was absurd, why would you go without wearing anything and get blood all over my bed. I told her that was irresponsible and that she needed to pay for new sheets. She agreed to pay for new sheets but got upset with me for getting angry and calling her irresponsible. I said that she should've been more careful with where she sleeps and it’s simply unhygienic.
AITA for getting upset and wanting her to pay?
Audrey: Yes. I mean no. You are the asshole for getting upset about it because that’s gonna happen.
Sav: That’s gonna happen.
Audrey: But for her to replace sheets? I don’t. I think that’s okay, but it’s how you handled it.
Sav: Why can’t they wash them?
Sav: Like just automatically replace, that’s just wasteful.
Audrey: Good point, good point.
Sav: And if you wish it, it is hygienic. And sometimes there are stains on sheets and that’s a part of life. It’s normal.
Audrey: Hear, hear.
Sav: However, I know that you can scrub some stains out and so can I. And you are learning basic skills. What’s your secret?
Audrey: Dr. Bronner’s.
Sav: I use Dr. Bronner’s too, actually I use it because you recommended it, so now sometimes I’ll do that little extra. But I also use, my favorite product is Bac Out, it’s an enzyme. It’s an enzymatic cleaner, so it’s super, it’s a green product. And I use it for everything, good for stains and odor, it’s great for pet cleanup. Good stuff.
Sav: I also want to say, that’s so frustrating, I emphasized “my” when I was reading this aloud because he kept using “my”, if they moved in together why is it “my” it’s “our”. So I don’t like that either. And also the shaming aspect, not cool. So unnecessary.
Audrey: Is this his first girlfriend?
Sav: That’s a good question, I don’t know. But it’s maybe his last. Like don’t do that again. Edit, so the guy writes in: “To everyone saying to just wash the sheets, she did, but I just don't like the thought of it.” Again, so wasteful. And also like a spot of blood, like come on.
Audrey: It’s menstrual blood too. What do you just not have sex when its.
Sav: This wasn’t because of that though. This was because she went to bed and thought her period was over and then she had like a little you know.
Audrey: I don't know, I think that says more about him and his…
Sav: I do too.
Sav: Second Edit.
Sav: I know, it’s very juicy. “I obviously see that I was a prick for being condescending towards her and not being sensitive to her embarrassment. I told her I was going to replace the sheets myself. She got upset again saying she didn't want to financially burden me every time she could potentially have a leak and that washing them was good enough. She's coming to get her stuff to stay with her mom, so it feels pretty over.”
Audrey: Good for you girl!
Sav: Third Edit “Yep, she says it's definitely over. I tried talking with her, but she said the damage was done” Yeah, that blood dried. Final Update: “After sleeping on it and talking to my friends and family, I am definitely in the wrong here. I had no reason to be that grossed out and ask her to replace sheets when she washed them. I definitely had no right telling her she was irresponsible and how to manage her own body. I apologized to her sincerely, and said she definitely deserved better than that. She agreed and is not talking to me which I deserve. This was my first time living with a woman and I fucked up big time. Thanks to the people trying to give helpful advice, and thanks to the sub for showing me how awful I acted. I'm going to take all of these moving forward. I shouldn't have ever seen my apartment as still MY apartment when she moved in. That was awful of me too. Best I can do is take this all in and learn from it and treat the next person in my life better.
Sav: Uhmm. Ok, I will commend him on his reflection.
Audrey: That was pretty good. That’s pretty good growth.
Sav: Yeah, I mean there were thousands of people like hating, capital H on this guy. But ultimately back to the sheets. In this scenario, if you stain your sheets so horribly and you’ve tried everything to get the stain out, having one pair is not enough. So again, my rule, two to three. How many towels do you have?
Audrey: Oh so I’m good with towels. I do have multiple towels.
Sav: I know that you do photography in the ocean so you might have more towels than most people.
Audrey: Yeah, I’ve got 4 towels that stay in my car that are my ocean towels, then I have my inside towels.
Sav: That’s great. Two is a great number. I have three per person. But I have three because mine are white which makes me feel special to have an all white kind of bathroom linen type of thing. Makes it feel spa and fancy even though it’s just a clean white towel. But I have three because I need enough whites to do a white load so I have to have enough to rotate them. Cause I’m not just gonna do a load with just two towels, that's silly, I’m gonna wait until my white bin gets full. So I have three people and that does the trick.
Audrey: That just blew my mind because I was doing laundry today and I had two white shirts and I was like “What am I supposed to do?”
Sav: Yeah put them to the side/ Did you notice, have you used our bathroom today?
Audrey: Uh-uh. O wait, yes I did!
Sav: Well did you notice that there are fresh towels that’s pressed and folded?
Audrey: Yeah. They’re crisp
Sav: They’re crisp. That's the Friday routine. On Friday, I get to notice that too, I get to do a reset. It’s a half hour but I just go around and get to the main spots. Fresh linens, love it, [15:13 inaudible], every Friday I look forward to it. I use that…do you know what ChomChom is?
Sav: ChomChom is this handheld manual device to remove pet hair.
Sav: And it uses static electricity and rubber. And so you just move it forward and back and it collects all the stuck hair. So Avo, my dog goes on the couch, and yes she has her designated spot but if we're not home she taking up the whole couch. So once a week on Friday, during my 30 minute reset, I go through it and I Chomchom the couch. And it’s just so great because,I don’t know, I feel like so many people wait for things to become disasters, where I’m like I don’t have time for that, that sounds like extra work but if I can just commit you know 15, 20, 30 minutes max a week, all of those are, everything stays at bay, like everything is just perfect kinda. Not perfect but you know what I mean.
Audrey: We have that growing up. It’s called Friday Fun Day. There were pictures of my little sisters sobbing with a mop. Before we were allowed to do anything, so during the weekends we had to do our cleaning chores. And so if I have something to do on Friday night, I would actually do it Thursday.
Sav: I call it Friday Refresh, the f in fresh, or Fresh Friday just because I like alliteration. On to part 2.
[16:43] Part 2: Maintaining a Decluttered Space
Sav: Do you have a golden rule for this? Like a rule you live by?
Sav: Caveat, I have a lot of rules. One of my clients told me this the other day “Like boy! You really like rules!”And I said “Yeah, I guess I do”.And I'm not neurodivergent and that’s okay. But my life is better with rules. I like structure. I thrive in structure. I think most people do. Some don’t, but a lot of people do. So my rule is “One thing in, one thing out!”
Audrey: Oh nice.
Sav: But it’s hard if you get and receive lots of hand me downs.
Audrey: Or if you don’t have much stuff to begin with. Like I moved into this trailer really having the bare minimum. Like basic things I didn’t have. Like I do not have bedding. I have to get a new bedding.
Sav: Well, that’s because, it’s not like you really didn’t have to, you have to let it go because of mold and that’s kind of a unique situation because you were very sensitive to it. But it’s good that you know that. So “One thing in, one thing out!” is my tried and true rule. But having life changes, I found it has been really helpful. So like when I left teaching I had a lot of teacher appropriate clothes and wanted to embrace being like me, not being a teacher, which is a really big piece of my identity. So now when I get hand-me- downs I’m not thinking “oh is this teacher appropriate?” I’m like, “Is this the me I want to present to the world?”
Audrey: I love that!
Sav: It is so good. What do I wear everyday, I’ve created a uniform for myself everyday. Do I need one? No. But I love it. And it makes getting dressed so easy. It makes putting away laundry so easy cause everything is similar or the same thing really just a different color. So yeah less is more.
I have another AITA.
Audrey: Oh I love this!
Sav: Me too. Now this one is on a topic for something i think you still have. Do you still have a gift bin?
Audrey: I do.
Sav: Ok me too, mine’s right over there. Can you tell us what a gift bin is? What is it?
Audrey: A gift bin is just a bin of gifts that either, I mean I have some things in it that are for specific people, so I’ll get through the year I’ll see something that I know this person will like and I’ll get it and save it for christmas or for the birthday, but it laos contains other things that are just, things I don’t necessarily want, either I've been gifted or for some reason I have it and I know it’s a good gift that’s why I put it in there and when it’s someone’s birthday and I don't have something I can go in there and “Oh they might like this” and pull it out.
Sav: My gift bin is items that yes some things I’ve been gifting but more often it’s things that. Like a subscription box which I super love and then found out that I was just getting too much coming in at once and it was stressful to me so I’ve since have stopped the box, but there’s a lot of things that are super great gifts that go into the box.
Audrey: I guess. I should’ve not shared that I regift so.
Sav: No, no, no. AITA, I’m jumpin' in because it’s all about that. “AITA for giving people gifts previously given to me/us by someone else ?”
AITA for giving people gifts previously given to me/us by someone else ?
Am I an asshole for giving people gifts that have been given to me by someone else ?
I don’t like clutter and if something in our household is not being used or not going to be used I simply get rid of it. That applies to presents too. If I know we won’t use them I will either give them to someone else as a present or donate them to charity. One thing I’m against is selling away something I’ve been given, so I rather pass it on.
Our friends ( husbands best friend ) just moved into their new house and as a present we gave them a hamper with expensive wine, cheese and biscuits…given to us by my family member for Christmas. My husband was in a shock when he saw what I gave them and immediately questioned my actions once we arrived home. He told me how embarrassing it is and how he cant look into his best mates eyes now because I gave them something we didn’t pay for.
The way I see it, if he wanted to give them something special since it’s his best friend, he could have picked up something, but he left it to me, as usual. The hamper was a luxury one and they seemed extremely happy with it. AND we don’t drink red wine or indulge in cheese so it would’ve just sat there in our cupboard, so what is the problem ?!
Am I the asshole or not, let’s settle this once and for all.
Audrey: I mean no you’re not.
Sav: Thousands and thousands and thousands of people also said not the asshole.
Audrey: Rightfully so, also, I think it’s important to talk about gifts.
Sav: I think there’s a lot of pressure in one gift giving and gift receiving. When I receive gifts, I feel that.
Audrey: I love gifts.
Sav: Well I love giving gifts, but I don’t always love receiving gifts because I feel like there’s some sort of expectation for like a super surprise reaction. And I don’t react that quickly. Like processing things and I’m slow at processing things. People expect you to do what they would do with that gift that's why they got it for you. But ultimately gift giving is simply the gesture, the love and intention behind it. It’s not what the person decides to do with the gift. And that’s the disconnect for me. People need to accept that if you gift someone something it is theirs they can do whatever they want with the gift. They can appreciate it, they can appreciate you. They can also donate it and still appreciate you and still love you and that’s okay.
Audrey: I have a question for you.
Audrey: I've wondered since your wedding, if you guys kept the wave crystal.
Sav: Trevor has it in his office.
Audrey: Oh cool! Because I was like “I don’t know if this is their home style, but I like the meaning behind this, let me give it to them. I don't; think they’re gonna keep it but I just want them to have it and have the idea of it. “
Sav: But see right there, your intention behind it was just so perfect because we can decide to do whatever we want with it. Which honestly it is in his office on a shelf because he loves waves, everything in his office are waves and that’s great. You’re right it's not my decor style but he’s really into it, so that works. But your intention is like I’m gonna gift this because it’s coming from my heart and that’s beautiful, and that’s how it should be.
Audrey: Right on.
Sav: Okay, hold on, this is for you. You suddenly get an extra 20x20 room anywhere you wish in your home. What do you do with his room? What is the square footage of your place? Is this triple the size?
Audrey: The trailer is 8x24. I mean it’s decent, it has a bathroom.
Sav: Right, I hope.
Audrey: Honestly, I’ll add it to the bathroom so that I could have a bath, I really miss the bath. I know lots of people would be like “Oh I would have like more storage”, something like that or more space, but it’s only me and it works for now but I miss the bath.
Sav: I like that, our bathroom is also very petite. Having a big bathroom sounds really nice. I think I’m more into a bigger kitchen. Our kitchen space is extremely organized and extremely functional but I love entertaining people and so if I have an actual place to do that inside that would be great for winter time. But problem solved, we moved it outside and it’s awesome.
Audrey: I changed my answer. I want an outdoor tub. I live in the country so it’s okay. And then the added space would be a kitchen because that kitchen is ridiculous.
Sav: Okay I changed my mind too then, I actually want, I’m gonna say, I want a bathroom but this bathroom is gonna have a walk-in closet because that’s what fancy bathrooms have and that’s awesome good for you. But it’s also gonna have us an infrared sauna, a mere infrared sauna.
Audrey: You know my sauna came. I’m setting it up tomorrow.
Sav: Very cool, very cool. It’s also gonna have one of those fancy Pilates machines. It’s gonna be a bathroom with a walk-in closet, a gym and a sauna.
Sav: you can come over anytime.
Audrey: Yeah, I’m down.
[26:40] Sav: [inaudible] I see a lot of clients that have so many clothes and if clothes are your thing, awesome!, but in reality they have so many, say pairs of socks, not because they need them or not because they’re obsessed with socks , but because they don’t actually do their laundry on a regular basis, so it’s an excuse. So I love that you wash one of your four dishes after use, yeah that makes sense. Go Audrey!
Audrey: This is really fun, I like this.